Bareburger, Hell’s Kitchen by Suspicious Gay – Rating: *****
Dear reader,
If you wish to go to a burger bar, then perhaps it is best not to attend one with a group of fitness-crazed gay men (especially the avid swimmer type).
I visited Bareburger bar in Hell’s Kitchen on a whim after watching a play at the nearby St James Theatre, and was immediately blown away by the excellent variety on offer! They had Elk burgers, Bison burgers, lamb burgers and beef burgers aplenty – it really was MOST exciting.
After perusing the menu for a few moments, I declared my interest in indulging in the Elkasaurus burger – which the waitress dutifully noted down on her machine (Such a shame it wasn’t pen and paper).
Then, it was the turn of the Lulu Lemon-wearing party.
Their choices: A black bean burger, a vegan burger, a mushroom burger and, perish the thought, a chicken breast burger.
Dear reader, it would be amiss at this point not to admit that I turned green in the face and had to restrain myself from saying that I had actually meant to order the ‘El Salad Burger’ – for fear of being unceremoniously evicted from the gym-five-times-a-week one-alcoholic-beverage-a-month cult.
Nonetheless, not a word was uttered over my ‘not-low-fat’ decision and the conversation continued most smoothly.
When the burgers arrived, I made short work of mine and professed my compliments to the chef.
The rest of the party said they were enjoying theirs, but appeared to pick at them like a semi-hungry pigeon that has just found a particularly stale piece of bread.
The glum faces, and half-eaten black bean burger and mangled chicken breast burger, that made their way back to the kitchen at the end of the meal, spoke louder than any words ever could.
I hardly thought people needed reminding of this, but if you are at a burger bar – then it is a good idea to order, shocker, a burger!
A mushroom is not a burger, but a side. A vegan patty is so highly-processed that it barely passes as food. Black beans belong in a burrito, and a burrito ONLY, while chicken is best enjoyed at another establishment.
It would be worth remembering this next time you to a burger bar, if you plan to have a most scrumptious meal!
Yours,
Suspicious Gay